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Ambrose Bierce
FUNERAL, n. A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.
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Author: Robert Blair
Ye undertakers, tell us, 'Midst all the gorgeous figures you exhibit, Why is the principal conceal'd, for which You make this mighty stir?
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Florence King
Showing up at school already able to read is like showing up at the undertaker's already embalmed: people start worrying about being put out of their jobs.
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John Gay
Why is the hearse with scutcheons blazon'd round, And with the nodding plume of ostrich crown'd? No; the dead know it not, nor profit gain; It only serves to prove the living vain.
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Marcus Valerius Martial
Diaulus, lately a doctor, is now an undertaker' what he does as an undertaker, he used to do also as a doctor.
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Mark Twain
Let us endeavor to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
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Sir John Davies
There was a man bespake a think, Which when the owner home did bring, He that made it did refuse it: And he that brought it would not use it, And he that hath it doth now know Whether he hath it yea or no.
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Thomas Noel
There's a grim one-horse hearse in a jolly round trot; To the churchyear a pauper is going I wot; The road it is rough, and the hearse has no springs, And hark to the dirge that the sad driver sings-- Rattle his bones over the stones, He's only a pauper whom nobody owns.
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