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Abe Lemons
I hope they notice the mistletoe tied to my coattails as I leave town.
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Author Unknown
Coolidge was known for his terse speech and reticence. A woman bet her friend that she could get Coolidge to speak to her, which was something he was reluctant to do. She went up to him and said: Hello, Mr. President, I bet my friend that I could get you to say three words to me. You lose, Coolidge replied dryly, and walked away.
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Author Unknown
Some people are like Slinkies... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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Author Unknown
Dustin Farnum: I've never been better! In the last act yesterday, I had the audience glued to their seats.Oliver Herford: How clever of you to think of it.
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Charles Baudelaire
I love Wagner, but the music I prefer is that of a cat hung up by its tail outside a window and trying to stick to the panes of glass with its claws.
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David Gerrold
The problem with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard.
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Groucho Marx
I've had a wonderful evening - but this wasn't it.
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Henry Wheeler Shaw
A slander is like a hornet; if you can't kill it dead the first time, better not strike at it.
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J. Russel Lynes
The only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it; if you can't ignore it, top it; if you can't top it, laugh at it; if you can't laugh at it, it's probably deserved.
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Mark Twain
Just the omission of Jane Austen's books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.
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Mark Twain
Yes, Agassiz does recommend authors to eat fish, because the phosphorus in it makes brain. So far you are correct. But I cannot help you to a decision about the amount you need to eat - at least, not with certainty. If the specimen composition you send is about your fair usual average, I should judge that a couple of whales would be all you would want for the present. Not the largest kind, but simply good middling-sized whales.
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Oscar Levant
She has the answer to everything and the solution to nothing.
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Oscar Wilde
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
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P.G. Wodehouse
She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say when.
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Rose Macaulay
It was a book to kill time for those who like it better dead.
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Steven Pearl
I can't believe that out of 10,000 sperm, you were the quickest.
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