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Alan Coren, The Lady from Stalingrad Mansions, 1977
The Act of God designation on all insurance policies... means roughly that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you. If your ox kicks a hole in your neighbor's Maserati, however, indemnity is instantaneous.
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Author Unknown
It's always been and always will be the same in the world: The horse does the work and the coachman is tipped.
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Author Unknown
Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.
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Author Unknown
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance.
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Author Unknown
It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
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Bat Masterson
There are many in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have observed for example that we all get the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summertime and the poor get it in the winter.
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Dave Barry
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
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Elaine Dundy
I find I always have to write something on a steamed mirror.
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Fran?ois Duc de La Rochefoucauld
How is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?
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Leopold Fechtner
If you wonder where your child left his roller skates, try walking around the house in the dark.
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Murphy's Law
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure.
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