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Alfred Hitchcock
There are several differences between a football game and a revolution. For one thing, a football game usually lasts longer and the participants wear uniforms. Also, there are usually more casualties in a football game. The object of the game is to move a ball past the other team's goal line. This counts as six points. No points are given for lacerations, contusions, or abrasions, but then no points are deducted, either. Kicking is very important in football. In fact, some of the more enthusiastic players even kick the ball, occasionally.
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Anna Quindlen, Living Out Loud, 1988
I do not like football, which I think of as a game in which two tractors approach each other from opposite directions and collide. Besides, I have contempt for a game in which players have to wear so much equipment. Men play basketball in their underwear, which seems just right to me.
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Arnold Mandell
Football is not a game but a religion, a metaphysical island of fundamental truth in a highly verbalized, disguised society, a throwback of 30,000 generations of anthropological time.
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Author Unknown
One of the great disappointments of a football game is that the cheerleaders never seem to get injured.
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Bob Golic
If you're mad at your kid, you can either raise him to be a nose tackle or send him out to play on the freeway. It's about the same.
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Chuck Mills
When it comes to football, God is prejudiced - toward big, fast kids.
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Dan Birdwell
You have to play this game like somebody just hit your mother with a two-by-four.
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Dave Barry
I have seen women walk right past a TV set with a football game on and - this always amazes me - not stop to watch, even if the TV is showing replays of what we call a "good hit," which is a tackle that causes at least one major internal organ to actually fly out of a player's body.
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Doug Plank
Most football players are temperamental. That's 90 percent temper and 10 percent mental.
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Duffy Daugherty
Football is not a contact sport. It's a collision sport. Dancing is a... contact sport.
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Elbert Hubbard
College football is a sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture.
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Erma Bombeck
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
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Erma Bombeck
If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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Erma Bombeck
The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
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Frank Gifford
Pro football is like nuclear warfare. There are no winners, only survivors.
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