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Fred Allen
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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Fred Allen
A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
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Fred Allen
California is a fine place to live--if you happen to be an orange.
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Fred Allen
Committee--a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.
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Fred Allen
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
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Fred Allen
Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
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Fred Allen
I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
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Fred Allen
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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Fred Allen
What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?
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Fred Allen
You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
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Fred Allen
[Television is] the triumph of machine over people.
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